Reflecting On Our Teaching Practice: Supporting Children’s Exploration of Gender Identity in Preschool
Sarah Jewell Leonard
Exploring self-identity has been a central part of the curriculum in my preschool classroom of four- and five-year-olds. During one of our Morning Gatherings, I chose to read the book All Are Welcome (Penfold & Kaufman, 2018). As I turned the page, one of the children in my room asked, “What’s his name?” and pointed to a person who had shoulder-length blonde hair, a green striped shirt, and pink shorts. Another child quickly responded, “That’s not a ‘he’! That’s a ‘she’!” In that moment, I had a choice as a teacher. I could have turned to each of the children and placed my own assumptions on the character in the book, labeling the person with a gender and some pronouns but instead, I paused. Part of being an educator is finding teachable moments that arise in the classroom and responding to them in a way that is developmentally appropriate, supportive and respectful.
Truth be told, I was a bit nervous. How would children respond? How would it be perceived by the college students interning in my classroom? How would families react? Would my administrators support this? As I looked at the self-identity work that we, as a school, engage in, it became clear that gender was playing a huge role for our friends. As an ally, I felt strongly in offering curriculum and literature that was reflective of the classroom community and the world. While All Are Welcome isn’t a book that focuses on gender identity or pride, it is a book about acceptance and community. Conversations about LGBTQ topics and reading LGBTQ inclusive books, particularly ones about gender identity, have often been labeled for me as "risky" or "not developmentally appropriate." Yet upon deeper reflection, I have found that this is not the case and I wondered how much fear and privilege played a role in these labels. As an educator, mentor, mother, and friend, I decided that my allyship could not be as quiet as it has been in the past. And people who really know me know I’m not quiet about much. The conversation went something like this:
Sarah (myself): "Some girls have long hair, and some have short hair. Some boys have short hair, and some have long hair. This means that looking at this character's hair doesn't give us enough clues to know if they are a boy or a girl.”
K: “I’m a boy and I have long hair!”
Sarah: “It’s true. You have long hair and you have told us you are a boy. This character is wearing a green striped shirt and pink shorts. But both boys and girls might wear green and pink so their clothes don't give us enough information to know if they are a boy or a girl.”
G: “I wear pink. I’m a boy.”
C: My favorite colors are blue and green and I am a girl.”
Sarah: “That’s right! Color doesn’t have a gender. People can wear whatever colors they like. We don't know this character's name. Sometimes their name can give us a clue. The other way to know if someone is a boy or a girl is by asking them what pronouns they prefer for us to use. I am a girl and I use she/her pronouns. Since we can't get the information from the clues in the illustration and we can't ask the character what pronouns they prefer, I'll use they/them pronouns."
Over the course of the next week, my co-teacher and I could hear children using they/them pronouns in their play and in conversations with one another. During another meeting, a child asked if we could sing “Old MacDonald.” I asked children if Old MacDonald would be a boy or a girl. The moment the words left my lips, I wanted to suck them back in. I had fallen into an old routine that didn’t reflect the words I would choose now. At the time that I started to offer the choice of boy and girl, my intention had been to confront the gender norm of farmers only being male, yet my philosophy of defying gender roles now includes challenging the gender binary. As I processed my own teacher regret, one of the children looked at me, placed his hand on my knee and asked "They/Them?" I couldn’t help but smile and get a little teary-eyed. “We could use they/them pronouns for Old MacDonald.” Another child responded, "Why they/them?" I replied, "I’ll use they/them pronouns for a few reasons. If I don't know what pronouns someone prefers and I can't ask them, I use they/them. Some people are non-binary and use they/them pronouns but not all people who are non-binary do. Non-binary can mean that someone feels like both a boy and a girl or it can mean that someone feels like neither a boy nor girl." In the end, we decided that Old MacDonald was non-binary and used they/them pronouns.
Over the next days and weeks, my co-teacher, Kristen, and I worked to gather more books that could support conversations and play that addressed gender identity directly or had protagonists who were queer, non-binary, gender non-conforming, and transgender. One of these books was Jack (Not Jackie) (Silverman, 2018) and was donated to us by Pride and Less Prejudice. These books were read to children during meeting times, in small groups and in one-on-one story times.
During Non-Binary Awareness Week, we chose to read It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity (Thorn, 2019) as it introduces and defines the terms transgender, cisgender, and non-binary, offering vignettes of children and their gender identity. Children began to share their gender and Kristen noted that we would have time at the end of the story for friends to share their gender identity if they wanted to but did not have to. The first child who shared declared, “I’m a boy and I use he/him pronouns but if people wanted to use they/them pronouns for me, I’d be okay with that.” While we didn’t provide the prompt to share their pronouns, it has become embedded in the culture of our classroom as we explore gender. After hearing a few other children share, he raised his hand once more and said, “Well, maybe I am non-binary.” Another child later shared that they were non-binary and while it was a phrase that was newly introduced to her, the feeling of being both boy and girl is something she has expressed since she was a toddler. At pick-up, I shared the experience with the parent of our first friend to share. As I shared her child’s inquiry about gender, first using the label of boy with he/him or they/them pronouns and then sharing that maybe non-binary would be a comfortable label, I could see her eyes well up with tears as a smile grew across her face. She offered me a nod of the head and a “thank you” as she headed to the car. While we might not have all the answers to this child’s gender identity (and we don’t have to), what we do know is they will be supported and loved - this is reflected in our classroom and their family.
The people in our community - our children, families, college students, and our teachers - have the right to be represented in the literature we offer in the classroom and our curriculum as well as the images we display on our walls. When I think about the anti-bias work that I am doing as a white cis-woman, it is my responsibility to amplify queer and POC voices and authors. I need to be a reflective practitioner and acknowledge that I probably won’t do everything right but that I will recognize my mistakes and look at them as opportunities for growth. I will try to offer myself grace as I learn and grow and commit to being a lifelong learner and strive to be an ally.
Here’s a book list of the titles we are currently reading in our classroom that are LQBTQ+ inclusive:
Allen, T. (2020). Sometimes people march. New York, NY: HarperCollins.
Brannen, S.S. (2020). Uncle Bobby’s wedding. New York, NY: Little Bee Books.
Hall, M.C. (2015). Red: A crayon’s story. New York, NY: Greenwillow Books
Locke, K. (2021). What are your words?: A book about pronouns. New York, NY: Little, Brown & Company
Love, J. (2020). Julián at the wedding. Somerville, MA: Candlewick Press.
Love, J. (2018). Julián is a mermaid. Somerville, MA: Candlewick Press.
Lukoff, K. (2019). When Aidan became a brother. New York, NY: Lee & Low Book, Inc.
Nagara, I. (2013). A is for activist. New York, NY: Seven Stories Press.
Newman, L. (2017). Sparkle boy. New York, NY: Lee & Low Book, Inc.
Oelschlager, V. (2010). A tale of two daddies. Akron, Ohio: Vanita Books, LLC.
Oelschlager, V. (2011). A tale of two mommies. Akron, Ohio: Vanita Books, LLC.
Penfold, A. & Kaufman, S. (2018). All are Welcome. New York: Alfred A. Knopf.
Reynolds, P.H. (2017). Happy Dreamer. New York, NY: Scholastic, Inc.
Silverman, E. (2018). Jack (not Jackie). New York, NY: Little Bee Books.
Skutch, R. (1995). Who’s in a family?. Berkeley, CA: First Tricycle Press.
Stuart, S. (2020) My shadow is pink. Australia: Larrikin House.
Thorn, T. (2019). It feels good to be yourself: A book about gender identity. New York, NY: Henry Holt and Company.
Biography:
Sarah Jewell Leonard, M.Ed. is an Early Childhood Educator at the University of New Hampshire’s Child Study and Development Center in Durham, NH. She joined the teaching staff at the center in 2000 after graduating from UNH. Sarah has taught in the infant, toddler and preschool classrooms and is a mentor teacher for undergraduate students in the Human Development and Family Studies department. She holds credentials as a NH Master Teacher and Master Professional with endorsements for Workshop Trainer, Individual Mentor and Program Consultant and her certification to teach birth-Grade 3 with the Department of Education. As a teacher, she implements an emergent curriculum, influenced by the schools of Reggio Emilia, Italy, that incorporates anti-bias work and a focus on self-identity and social justice.
