A Pride Reflection: Rethinking ‘Love is Love’
Rebecca Bauer
Is it time to retire the phrase “Love is Love”?
If you attend a Pride event this June, you’ll probably spot people wearing shirts, waving banners, and walking dogs with bandanas that all read “Love is Love.” The phrase is meant to highlight that same-sex relationships should be treated with the same respect, honor, and dignity as heterosexual ones. It’s not a bad message, but it feels very 2010.
Now in 2023, I have several critiques of the Pride message – the largest one being that it centers the LGBQ+ people and relationships that are most palatable for the public, the ones that can “pass,” as “just like their straight counterparts.” I intentionally left out the “T” in that last acronym, because “Love is Love” focuses on sexual orientation, while neglecting to provide support or affirmation for the transgender and non-binary folks in our communities.
The other reason it might be time to replace “Love is Love,” is because when you dive deep into it, the statement is not always true. I can’t describe it any better than Billy Eichner’s character in Bros who said: “Love is love is love? Not it’s not. That’s bullsh*t. That is a lie we had to make up to convince you idiots to finally treat us fairly. Love is not love. Our relationships are different.”
How does all of this connect back to Pride & Less Prejudice? One of the many reasons I’m proud to be a part of this organization is because Pride & Less Prejudice uplifts the narratives of children and families who don’t blend in. We don’t shy away from showcasing and celebrating the ways that LGBTQ+ families are different from heterosexual ones. Instead, we find and promote books that encourage readers to celebrate these and all differences. Here are a few examples:
This Day in June by Gayle Pitman highlights all the elements of a Pride parade, including the queerer ones like, “Motors roaring, spirits soaring” to describe lesbians on motorcycles.
My Maddy, by the same author, features a parent who isn’t a Mommy or a Daddy, but rather a Maddy.
Antonio’s Card by Rigoberto González follows a child as he struggles to be proud of his family, which is unlike his peers’ families.
The Sublime Ms. Stacks by Robb Pearlman features a librarian who is also a drag queen.
What Are Your Words? by Katherine Locke features a child who is trying to figure out what pronouns fit best.
Right now, in our tense political climate, “Love is Love” is a very acceptable refrain. LGBQ+ people who “pass” are most likely to fly under the radar, while queer, trans, gender-nonconforming, and other marginalized subsets of our population are under attack. Particularly when we’re talking about introducing LGBTQ+ issues into the classroom, it can be tempting to stick to the most broadly accepted concepts, something like “Some people have two mommies and some people have two daddies.” But to truly be allies in this fight, we need educators, families, and communities to be willing to acknowledge and celebrate all differences.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with saying “Love is Love,” but this Pride season, I encourage you to push yourself to make bolder statements. Here are a few to try:
Equality for All
Pride is Protest
Love not Hate
Protect Trans Kids
All of us at Pride & Less Prejudice wish you and your family a happy Pride month and encourage you to celebrate powerfully!
