Interview with Laurin Mayeno, Author of “One of a Kind Like Me/Único Como Yo”
One of a Kind, Like Me/Único Como Yo is based on your own experience raising your child, Danny. What inspired you to write it? Was there one particular moment where you decided to write it, or did it come together as a book over time?
The book grew out of a need I felt to build support for children and families like mine. My community activism for the past 14 years has focused on working with families of LGBTQ+ children. In Somos Familia, an organization I co-founded, sharing our stories as parents of LGBTQ+ children has taught us the power of storytelling to touch hearts and open minds.
About 11 years ago, I was talking with teachers in the bilingual program that Danny attended as a child. One of the teachers said they needed resources for children, and the idea of a book just stuck with me. Most LGBTQ children’s books are about white middle-class children. I wanted to help change that. The book is not only bilingual, it’s based on a multiracial, multigenerational family with a single mom. Parenting Danny showed me how important it is for gender education to start at a young age. Danny felt safe to be who they were in preschool, but the teasing got pretty bad in elementary school.
What do you hope comes out of people reading One of a Kind, Like Me/Único Como Yo?
One hope is that gender nonconforming kids of different backgrounds and their families will be affirmed. I hope that kids see themselves reflected in the story and are reassured that they aren’t alone and that they’re amazing just the way they are. Just last week, I got a note about a 5 year-old who dresses in a tutu and reads the book every week. Notes like this make my heart sing and tell me that the book is fulfilling my hopes. Another hope is to build more empathy and appreciation for children who stretch beyond society’s narrow gender boxes, and to let kids know that it’s okay to do so. The book has been used as a conversation starter in many school settings and has done just that. It helps kids understand that gender shouldn’t limit what we like and do - whether it’s colors, clothing, toys, friends, and beyond.
You said, "When I’ve talked with kids about the book, they share many questions and opinions. What I’ve seen is curiosity, not confusion.” Can you share some of the comments, questions, or conversations you’ve had (or have heard of others having) with young children after reading One of a Kind, Like Me/Único Como Yo?
“Why did Danny want to wear a dress?” opened up a conversation about different things people like about wearing dresses, and how there’s no such thing as “boys” and “girls” colors and clothes.
“I wanted to be Darth Vader for Halloween and somebody said I couldn’t because I’m a girl”. This is followed by comments like, “That’s not fair,” and students making connections between Danny’s experiences and their own.
“My little brother likes to dress up in my mom’s clothes, but he doesn’t do it when my dad is around, because he would get mad.” This opened up a conversation about how not all adults agree.
Danny’s love for purple and desire to be a princess in the school parade is accepted and celebrated immediately by the members of the family. The focus is on how Danny will become a princess, not whether Danny should be a princess. Can you tell us why you decided to frame the story this way?
I got conflicting advice about this and was very torn about which way to go. I wrote a million drafts and ended up writing a story that celebrated Danny’s self-expression. Rather than send a message that children get bullied when they defy gender stereotypes, I wanted to normalize this and not make it an issue. I’m deeply grateful to mentors and advisors who encouraged me to listen to my gut. Truth be told, when the real Danny dressed as a princess, there was a lot of conflict going on inside of me.. But, I was able to process that conflict with other people and not burden Danny with my baggage.
What made you decide not to include any labels for Danny’s identity?
As a young child, Danny didn’t have a clearly defined gender identity. I used he/him pronouns to refer to Danny in the book, and until recently those were the pronouns Danny used for themself. Danny now identifies as nonbinary and uses he/him/they pronouns. I would love to see more children’s books about nonbinary kids.
What was your first reaction when you discovered One of a Kind, Like Me/Único Como Yo had been banned? How did it feel? How did you respond and what did you do from there?
My first response was to feel proud. It felt like a badge of honor for the book to have reached that far into a place where it would meet such opposition. But, when the words of the parents and school board members started sinking in, I felt very sad for the kids in that district, terrified for the gender nonconforming and transgender kids, and also angry. It felt like I was being bullied and it scared me. Yet, I knew that I was getting just a small taste of what many LGBTQ+ folks and their families experience regularly. The banning was a wake up call, reminding me that this book is still very much needed, and it spurred me to action.
It was hard to figure out how to respond because I knew absolutely nobody in Columbus County. I reached out to a lot of folks for advice and support. There’s a wonderful Facebook group of moms of LGBTQ kids and they jumped into action via social media. Their support gave me the courage to write my own response. I wrote a short response on social media and later wrote a piece for the Huffington Post. Robert Liu-Trujillo, who illustrated the book, was very supportive. We wanted to do a reading/discussion for people in Columbus County, but couldn’t find any local partners to work with us. We will, however, participate in National Banned Books Week this fall. We also reached out to the National Coalition Against Censorship and they wrote a very powerful letter, letting the school district know just how wrong they were.
You said, after Columbus County banned One of a Kind, Like Me/Único Como Yo, "That message says one thing clearly: Children like mine are unwelcome. When you ban my book, you’re telling me that a child like mine doesn’t belong in your schools or your communities." What advice do you have for teachers, parents, or even children who receive this same message - through a similar banned book or other incident?
I don’t have any specific advice, but I do have encouragement. Remember that fighting for visibility of children who are marginalized based on gender, sexual orientation, or any other social difference is fighting for our present and our future. Children shouldn’t have to wait until “it gets better”. The more they have a sense of safety and security in early childhood the better they will fare as adults. Their lives are on the line and they need to be affirmed, accepted, and celebrated, not traumatized. In recent years LGBTQ+ books have topped the list of banned books. But, we’re now seeing a frightening rise in challenges to anti-racist books as well. I have huge amounts of gratitudes for multicultural book makers and for families, advocates, and educators who advocate and raise funds to bring those books into schools.
