Reflections on Reading “Jacob’s School Play: Starring He, She, and They”
Tome Travers
Tome, a friend and coworker of PLP team member Dani, reflects on the experience of reading Jacob’s School Play: Starring He, She, and They by Ian Hoffman and Sarah Hoffman. Her child, who was in Dani’s class, has often asked questions about gender and pronouns. Jacob’s School Play, a story about children who happen to have diverse gender identities and presentation, was a perfect tool in expanding his understanding and experience with gender, pronouns, and identity.
I’m not quite sure what I expected. My child is a 4.5 year old who has so far identified as a boy. He was eager to read the new book we got in the mail from Dani, one of his previous teachers and a good friend. As we read the book, he didn’t appear to have too many questions. I read the book slowly and in an animated way, the way I read any book to him or a group of children. When we were done reading the story, he thought for a little and then said, “Can I be a they too?” I asked him, “Is that how you feel inside?” He replied, “No. I’m a boy but is it fun to be both?” So I responded, “It’s not about what’s fun, it’s about what you’re feeling inside.” He looked at me for a moment, thought about it a little longer, and said “Okay!”
Like I said, I don’t know what I was expecting. Did I want him to have more questions? Did I want him to comment more about Jacob, the character in the story who identifies as “they”? I guess maybe I thought he would. What I do know, though, from his very natural reaction to the book, is that he’s a part of a much more inclusive and open world than I grew up in. I’m proud of the way his experiences so far have not informed him of anything different. I think about a past conversation when our nonbinary friend, Dani, who was his teacher the year prior, came to visit. I told him they were coming over and he asked, “What car does he drive?” I replied, “I don’t know what car they drive, because usually they walk to school.” He immediately replied, “Who else is coming?” And I said, “No one. Just Dani.” And he replied, “You said they.” I said, “Yes. I did. Dani goes by ‘they.’ Some people are he, and some people are she, and some are they.” And he said, “Okay! I can’t wait to see Dani!” Even with a little easily-clarified confusion, there was nothing but pure acceptance without too many questions asked.
As an early childhood educator, I know that these young minds are completely impressionable. They learn about the world from what we teach them and what their environment teaches them. Teaching at my school, with our philosophy, allows me to let children explore the world in whatever way they want to explore it. This openness makes space for acceptance and inclusivity. Nothing is discounted and everything is a possibility. Seeing this through the lens of my own child is incredible. He sees people and accepts them for who they are - not needing a title or a box - simply seeing the human being. “Simply,” because while we as humans are complex, the simple part comes from the acceptance. Each person is who they are, no two people are exactly alike, each person simply beautiful as they are.
