Mothers’ Day, Not Mother’s Day
By Leigh J.
I have two moms, and yes, it is as awesome as it sounds! My moms are adventurers. When I was in first grade, they took me and my sister out of school to set sail around the world on our 44-foot sailboat. They support and encourage me and my sister in all of our endeavors, from playing sports, to learning the violin, to joining the Future Farmers of America and Girl Scouts organizations. One of my moms is a doctor, a sailor, and a fisherwoman. My other mom is an ex-division one basketball coach, an expert quilt sewer, woodworker, and gardener. I love my moms, and Mothers’ Day (not Mother’s Day, but S apostrophe!) is the perfect time for me to recognize how special it was to grow up in such a unique family.
But actually, growing up in Northampton, Massachusetts, having two moms wasn’t anything special. Northampton is known to some as “Lesbianville, USA,” and has the most lesbian couples per capita the country. As a child, I knew more lesbians than straight people, so I didn’t think my family was anything unique or different. I was always proud and happy to have my two moms. However, I still rarely saw us reflected in the books, TV shows, and movies that I watched, especially not an LGBTQ transracial family, like mine.
In high school, my family moved from Northampton to Honolulu, Hawaii, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t know a single other person who had a family like mine. As a new kid in school, I wanted so badly to fit in. Hawaii was the first time that I was confronted with blatant homophobia, and I was scared for people to find out about my parents. I didn't want to invite friends over to my house to meet my family. I didn’t want my moms to come to events on campus together and I worried when they held hands in public. It was the first time I heard slurs and put-downs that felt like direct attacks to me and my family and it was lonely.
Junior year, I met an out and proud gay teacher at my school, and he inspired me to talk openly about my family for the first time. By then, a few close friends knew about my moms, but often, I still felt like I was hiding a big part of myself. Slowly, I felt more and more comfortable sharing about my family and thanks to that teacher, by the time I graduated high school, my whole grade knew about my moms.
At the Hawaii State Capitol in 2013, celebrating the legalization of same-sex marriage.
When my friends met my moms, often they’d tell me later that it was the first time they had ever met a lesbian. I think that this is where some of the fear came from, the fact that they didn’t know any real lesbians, or out LGBTQ people. They didn’t see TV shows or movies or read books with characters with these identities.
I wonder if people in Hawaii had had access to more materials like books that featured more diverse families, then they would not have found my family so baffling. I wonder if they had had exposure or access to these narratives, I wouldn’t have had to hide my own family and feel so ashamed.
This is why representation matters. It could have made all the difference if my classmates in Hawaii were more familiar with different types of families. Maybe they would not have been so judgmental, so afraid, or so harsh. Young people need access to books and materials that represent all types of diverse families, not just heteronormative ones.
I hope that my future children, my moms’ grandchildren will one day have books where they see their queer, multi-racial family represented, and will proudly tell their friends about their, sailor adventurer lesbian grandmas. Maybe even one day I will write a book that tells the story of our family’s adventures.
